Sunday, June 14, 2009

FYP Says that Glamour Shots Aren't for Dragons

Fuck you, Fuck You, Penguin! Why don't you bust outta that closed-minded view of beauty, huh? Oh yeah you get a hard on for bunnies and wombats, G.D. kittens, and just about any flirt with a hair-covered body, whiskers, and big, round, moist eyes. I bet you're one of those fuckin' Furries.

Well, I've got scales, claws, and a fuckin' long-ass forked tongue, but that sure as hell doesn't mean that I can't be beautiful. In fact, I've just signed on with Ford Models, so screw you, douchebag.

As for my belly, I am a svelte mother fucker. My belly doesn't drag across the ground (unless I've just eaten), or if I'm taking a load off. Take a good look at the photo above, I've got massive ground clearance. And I'm fast as shit, too, asshole so the next time I see you, don't even bother to run. Fuck You, Penguin, you ain't got a chance, especially if I'm with my posse.

FYP Argues that the Marsupial Rampage Continues

In response to The Marsupial Rampage Continues

Fuck you, Fuck You, Penguin! Stop picking on vegetarians. Leafy greens are an important part of any diet -- and very high in calcium, I might add. Also, I don't think my ears are all that weird. Frankly, if I were you, I would've taken a dig at my nose. I hate my fuckin' nose.

Oh, yeah, and the wombat is cheating on you.

Monday, June 8, 2009

FYP Determined that Baby Flying Squirrels are Mini 9/11s

Hey You, Penguin! My mama says that I'm not s'pose to say your real name because it has a bad word in it. My name is Penny. I think my name is a good one. It is mean that your mama and daddy gave you a dirty name. I am sorry.

are cute. I think other things are cute too!

Also, I am sorry for being just five weeks old and for not knowing what is a 9/11, but it also sounds like a bad thing. Please do not call me that. Bad things are bad. I am sorry so many bad things are in your life. You should be more happy because you are funny. Probably, you are also cute too.

I like nuts!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

FYP Claims that No One Wants to Hang Out With Eels

Fuck you, Fuck You, Penguin! No one wants to hang with me? Fuck that shit. You totally called and asked to come over. Like anyone out there is gonna believe that you just happened to be snorkeling and didn't realize you were right by my place. I've been calling the space between these rocks home for fifteen goddamn years, so don't you fuckin' dare to try and act like you didn't want to come over and chill.

Why don't you tell them what really happened, huh? You came over with a couple of 40s, and we played video games as usual. And then I totally kicked your ass in "Halo 3"--and I'll mother fuckin' do it again, if you ever try to publicly embarrass me like this in the future, a-hole.

So you can't beat an armless creature at video games, douche. Boo hoo, Fuck You, Penguin. Boo-fuckin'-hoo. Do yourself a favor and buy your own goddamn Xbox already.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Is Someone Lying to FYP?

In response to One of You is Lying to Me

Fuck You, Penguin, just ignore the sign. I mean look at these teeth? What sort of damage could I do to you, mate? I mean, look at them. Those are gnawing teeth, not biting teeth. These are biting teeth (no wonder you had that blow out with that Tasmanian devil not too long ago).

C'mon! Hug me. Touch me. Feel my fur! I won't bite. Well, I may, but fuck it all, mate, I may run for Prime Minister of Australia. I may get adopted by Angelina Jolie. I may find the cure for cancer. I may do just about anything, but none of that is very likely, now is it?

So go ahead, bring the love. I won't bite. Of course, I may be lying about that.

Monday, May 25, 2009

FYP Finds a Frog to be a "Smug Son of a Bitch"

In response to I'm Onto You, You Smug Son of a Bitch

Fuck you, Fuck You, Penguin! Fuck you mainly because I am confounded. I have no idea what you're babbling about. I mean, I've really got nothing to say. Seriously. Nothing.

Call me when you have a real concrete issue to take up, dipshit.

FYP Asks a Bear "Why Are You Doing This to Me?"

In response to Why Are You Doing This to Me?

Fuck you, Fuck You Penguin, if you want to know something about me, why not just go to the source? No need to call in federal agencies and whatnot. Geez. That photo was taken in the summer of '07 in the back yard of the O'Doyle family's home in Lake Hopatcong, New Jersey. That sure was a good summer. Ah, memories.

Also, you should know that I am a black bear, and though I do eat flesh, it is at a rather moderate rate. My diet is about 85% vegetarian so the idea that I have an "insatiable thirst for blood" is just, well, it is just embarrassingly off the mark. There, now you've learned something.